Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Little known facts about me

I am not a very lucky person. Nor do I have much coordination or natural grace. Some examples to illustrate this:

I got lost in a hotel and wound up getting locked on its roof (had to climb down the fire escape and go back into the lobby to ask for directions)

I have been pooped on by birds more times than I can count. (The prize winning story was when a pigeon shit on my head right as I was getting on a bus. No one had a newspaper/napkin/Kleenex so I had to ride a half hour with poop on my head)

I have broken every toe on my right foot (in separate, equally ridiculous incidents)

The list goes on indefinitely.

Today I forgot to get my morning coffee and around 11 o'clock was nearly incapacitated. I struggled through my first two classes but I knew I had to stop and get a coffee before my exam at 11:15 otherwise there would be no way I could stay awake or concentrate. I got a nice, beautiful, deliciously smooth cup of coffee on my way to the exam and put it down next to me to let it cool. About 20 minutes into the exam I decided my coffee would be the perfect temperature so I went to give myself a nice little caffeine boost but, me being the clumsy cow that I am, I knocked it over. It was like a river of coffee running down the auditorium floor forming a nice little pool right at the professor's feet. He looked down at the coffee lake, made eye contact with me trying to discreetly hide the cup so as not to incriminate myself and then made an announcement to the class saying "let's see how long it takes for THIS to evaporate".

I told my story to the coffee shop people and they laughed at me. But then they gave me a free replacement coffee with the lid taped down to the cup.


Sandra said...

I got locked out of the apartment I rented in London once and spent the night in the hallway. I paid 200 a night for that damn place too.

I don't know why but I can't stop laughing that birds poop on you.

Hedy De Vine said...

so you had to take your exam without any coffee? how terrible!

i love bird pooping stories. my favorite is when i was driving and my ex was in the passenger seat with his arm was out the window and all of a sudden SPLAT! a bird shat on his arm. in a moving car on 94, what are the chances?

Aliecat said...

Oh, man, I spilled an entire tall latte from Dunn Bros. on the floor of the passenger side of my car. The stench of rotting milk lasted for weeks no matter how many times I shampooed it. But I was more upset about my Dunn Bros. goodness. Sigh.

poopee shmoopee said...

my gramma always says getting pooped on by a bird is very good luck. she might have been trying to make me feel better, but whatever, it worked.

i think you and i are somehow twinned. for reals.

Jeremy said...

You're emitting radio waves detected by a sense that birds have called poopdar. Dentists put poopdar beacons in fillings in the early 90's as part of a massive government conspiracy to cover people with crap. I read it on the internet, so it must be true.

lesley said...

Sandra: Thanks for the sympathy :)

Hedy: I did take my exam without was rough. The chances of a bird pooping on someone in a moving car are slim; that's one thing that has yet to happen to me.

Poopee: Isn't it nice to always be the person who has a FABULOUSLY bizarre and stupid story to tell?

Alie: Have yet to do that one. But one time I had to sit for 3 hours in 90 degree weather in a car that had a mysterious piece of rotting invisible cheese somewhere in it. That was not fun.

Jeremy: The government subjecting society to (bull)shit? Blasphemy!