Monday, March 26, 2007

Never fall asleep in public

There’s a woman that takes the same bus home from work as I do and everyday she consistently passes out cold, presumably from exhaustion. I can’t help but smile every time I see her head bob and sway limply to the movements of the bus. I try to stay awake at all costs when I’m on the bus. I generally don’t like falling asleep in public for fear of being robbed but also, more importantly, because public sleepers are subject to laughter and ridicule. A few years ago, before I had a car and when I was working in retail, I was always dead tired every time I had to close the shop and I had to take a hellish 35-minute bus ride through downtown to get home. There was one night in particular when I remember being so extremely exhausted I could hardly move. I was working full-time, taking 17 credits, and had just pulled an all-nighter to complete a midterm paper. As soon as my shift at the shop ended I just wanted to collapse. I got on the bus and passed out. I vaguely recall someone getting on the bus around MCTC and sitting down next to me, but I closed my eyes and fell back asleep. About 20 minutes passed before I came to and realized that I had been sleeping on the shoulder of the guy who sat down next to me. To make matters even more uncomfortable, he had apparently fallen asleep himself and was all snuggled up with me. I jerked up from his shoulder, rang the bell, shared an awkward glance with the stranger, and bolted off the bus. I vowed to never fall asleep in public again.

22 comments:

Jeremy said...

Does that business man have a trap door in his trousers?

lesley said...

It's actually the door to Narnia.

Jeremy said...

The few times I've commuted downtown on the light rail in the morning (for jury duty and other appointments), I've fought a fierce urge to sleep. I don't want somebody pulling a Northwest Airlines and spewing weird fluid on me or taking my wallet. Waking to find yourself snuggled up with a stranger wouldn't be that bad though. I don't think we snuggle with strangers enough in this world, Lesley. Not nearly enough.

lesley said...

That story certainly could have ended with a totally different "twist", so I'm certainly not complaining. It was actually a very nice snuggle session; his shoulder was very comfortable..not too bony.

lesley said...

We should start a "Snuggle With Strangers" Campaign and keep track of how many times we get punched in the face.

Jeremy said...

Bony... heh.

Jeremy said...

I'm very snuggly. I think I can get away with it. I'll start with tattooed guys in leather jackets and old ladies carrying bags from the mace store.

Jeremy said...

...you should start with vagrants who smell like pee, and 300 lb bald lesbians.

Jeremy said...

On second thought, I'll take the bald lesbians, too.

lesley said...

Oh, nice! I'll start with the guys with their thrice-smoked cigarette butt tucked behind their ear and men with food bits stuck in their beard.

lesley said...

300 pound bald lesbians named Steve.

Hedy De Vine said...

Leave Jeremy's mom out of this.

lesley said...

Ouch, Hedy! Another third degree burn!

Hedy De Vine said...

I'm blazin' like a four-alarm blaze!

Jeremy said...

Nobody talks 'bout my momma that way! Let's throw down, bitch! *Hedy raises an eyebrow at Jeremy, and he soils himself*

Hedy De Vine said...

I can't believe you just called me a bitch, Jeremy. You can forget all about the sesame kale I was gonna bring on Saturday. Now it's just gonna be a half-eaten bag of potato chips.

Aliecat said...

I love the bus...and Jeremy's mom...I let her motorboat my cleavage.

Elizabeth said...

I am laughing so hard I'm pissing all over the stranger who's spooning me from behind.

Hedy De Vine said...

Is Mustafa your friend from the bus?

Jeremy said...

Hedy, you left me little recourse but to pull out the b-word. I love my momz!

(Alie, can I watch?)

lesley said...

Elizabeth, I'm so happy you like my stories...I do have a lot of them.

Hedy, I have no idea who Mustafa is, but he seems very friendly...

Elizabeth said...

Mustafa was so complimentary, but now he's gone! The minute you get attached...