Allow myself to introduce....myself.

This is Lesley:

This is the view from the toilet in the house Lesley grew up in:

There is a gorilla head and a thumb hiding in there. Can you find them? Everytime I would look at that patch of wallpaper, I would always look for those spots.

When we moved into that house EVERY SQUARE INCH of the house was pink. The rooms were painted pink, the ceilings were painted pink, the carpeting was pink, even the garage was pink. The only areas in the house that were not pink was my leopard print bathroom wallpaper (see above picture), the powder room, and the basement-- both of which were turquoise. It was like the 80s exploded in my house. My parents did all they could to minimize the pink, but they only had so much money so we had to settle for some compromises. For instance, we painted over my pink walls with green paint but we had to keep the pink carpeting….so instead of living in a Pepto Bismol bottle of a bedroom, I got to live in a watermelon.

This is my brother and his wife:

I have a moderately strained relationship with them. He’s a hot shot lawyer and is also quite a bit older than me which meant that he went away to college and moved out when I was in fourth grade. Aside from reminiscing about growing up, the only things we can really talk about are whiskey, jazz music, and red wine.

This is my other brother:

Sorry, ladies, he’s married too.

This brother, on the other hand, is one of my best friends. He is a fire fighter paramedic and one of the weirdest people I know (see above picture). We talk on the phone nearly every day….most of the time our conversations involve talking about poop or singing show tunes.

My brothers raised me well. I learned that the most effective way to settle a disagreement is with a swift punch to the kidneys and they made sure I learned how to drink beer, play pool, and play poker like a pro.