At work I was going through the spam emails we get and one in particular caught my eye. It was from a man (?) named Tadpole C. Uzbekistan. I realize that it was an alias that was most likely generated by putting a string of random words together, but it reminded me of the game middle schoolers play to figure out their porn star name. I always played using the name of your first pet combined with the street you grew up on. Mine is Mo Burdick, which sounds like the name of a porn star who gets filmed in some old hairy guy’s living room.
When I was 5 years old I hated my name and planned on legally changing it when I was old enough. I wanted to change it to Elizabeth Maries because Elizabeth and Mary were my two favorite names. I don’t remember why I liked the names Elizabeth and Mary; I was just that cool growing up. Needless to say, I decided that was a stupid idea but I still use the name as an alias in emergency situations. So if you’re ever hitting on a chick and she tells you her name is Elizabeth Maries, there’s a good chance that you won’t be getting into her pants because the number she gave you is bogus. Sorry, you just weren’t my type.
This came up when I did a Google search for "wrong number". Genius.
15 comments:
Oh that reminds me I have to track down where I left my phone.
Screetus, I think I left my keys in there, too.
Ross Pecanwood, at your service.
(I think I have the coolest generated porn star name ever.)
Ooo, Bo, that is good. I prefer using my next most recent Pet-Street combo...Mimi Crane. I think that's better, but it would be cheating to make that my "official" porn-star name.
Screetus and Jeremy, doesn't that just make you wonder what kinds of crazy X-ray stories ER doctors have?
I'm Tuffy Duke. I think that sounds like a 40's gangster, but whatevs.
And my ER friend has stories involving a Mrs. Butterworth bottle stuck where the sun don't shine. Basically, that's the story.
My porn name would be Max Rural Route 1. :-(
Jeremy, in that situation your name would become Max "Rural Route 1" *your mother's maiden name* as in Max "Rural Route 1" Morris (my mom's maiden name). Can't you just see it in the credits of a porno about sexy hitch hikers or truck-stop porn?
I was told to use my mother's maiden name because I didn't have pets growing up.
Oops, I didn't play by the stated rules. The way we did it was your middle name plus the street you grew up on.
Alas, my first pet + my street is nearly as good.
At your service,
Snooks Pecanwood
Honeybear Macalester - yeah that's me.
Tuffy Broadway. Beat that.
brock pillsbury,
however, if we count California and things i don't remember it would be: Blacky Noyo Harbor
and i think that "max rural route 1" wins! i gushed coca cola through my nostrils
whoa, elizabeth and i are both tuffy. i'll fight you for it.
Spike Virginia...odd.
hey technosexual, how's ur ck in2u. lol.
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